On Loneliness

Loneliness is the epidemic of our time. Utter loneliness. No matter how much we deny it, we all feel it. No matter how many people there are in your life, no matter how many people you sleep with. That is why you feel empty despite being surrounded by others. That is why your ex-partner wants to be with you again. It’s not because they love you. It’s because they think you will make that feeling in them go away. But who will make the feeling inside you go away?

I recently had a very interesting discussion with a total stranger about how the urban landscape encourages, almost forces people to be lonely. We are programmed to leave our small quarters, enter our car, drive to work, enter our small office, enter our car again, drive home. And slowly but steadily we get used to having minimal interaction with others. And when they try to get to know us, we tend to be cautious and skeptical.

I have quite a few friends who are in dysfunctional relationships precisely because they are afraid of being lonely. They seem to be oblivious to the feeling of loneliness they experience within the relationship but it strikes them painfully when they discuss with others who are in deep, meaningful relationships. And their partners are just as damaged. And naturally, cheating is always involved, sometimes revealed and forgiven, others hidden and secretly reminisced in sweaty sheets on hot summer nights.

If you are not happy with yourself and with who you are but instead expect someone else to make you feel whole, well, good luck with that.

On Loneliness: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_xH7noaqTA 

 

“Je suis célibataire, depuis hier, putain!

Vous m’auriez vu hier…

J’etais formidable.” 

(Translation: “I am single as of yesterday, fuck! 

You should have seen me yesterday… 

I was sensational.”)

The Kindness of Strangers

Two young women are sitting on the train, talking about -what else? One young man. “So, then he told me that…” The second woman is listening carefully as the first one is narrating the latest developments in her complicated relationship with some guy.

A young man has sat on the seat opposite the woman narrating the story. He has been listening to the narration for literally less than a minute when he cuts in. “He is not for you. Let go.” The woman spontaneously laughs, feeling awkward. She goes, “Do you think so?” “Definitely”, he replies. 

Her friend disembarks the train. She turns back to the guy. She debates on it for a second and then takes a deep breath and asks him: “Why did you say that before? Is it really that obvious that I shouldn’t waste my time that a stranger who has heard nothing but a fraction of our conversation tells me to let go of him?”

He looks at her carefully. He has an air of confidence and he is sure of what he says: “Yes”.

She sighs. “You’re right.”

He: “What do you like about this person?”

She: “I don’t know. All of him.”

He: “Where is he?”

She: “Abroad.”

He: “And?”

She: “And nothing.”

He: “He is there on his own. And he is bored. And he messages you. That’s why he tells you all those stupid, vague things. What do YOU want? Why do you want this person? Do you think that perhaps you actually like that he is not here? Is it the first time you are attracted to someone who is far away?”

She: *blushing* “No.” (defensively) “But I didn’t know from the beginning that they would be far away.”

He: “It doesn’t matter. You are drawn to these people. Why is that? Because you DON’T want a relationship.”

She: “I’m not sure that’s true.”

He: “It doesn’t matter. He is not here. If he comes here, you’ll take it from there. And if he doesn’t come back? Will you waste your time? Keep your eyes open here. And enjoy your time. Find someone who wants you and fights for you. Someone who tells you ‘I want you, I want you, I want YOU.’ Someone who FIGHTS for you. Because you deserve that.”

She, looking down: “Thank you. That’s my stop.”

He: “Goodbye. Remember to enjoy your time. Do not waste it.”

As she got off the train, she gave the guy one last look. Did he actually have a point about her not wanting a relationship? 

She thought back to the people that she kept, again and again, choosing. 

And then she stopped walking and remained at the platform, eyes wide open, watching the train leave and disappear into the distance.